


Heart and Mind

by Estelle



Category: The Avengers (Marvel Movies), The Avengers (Marvel) - All Media Types
Genre: Alternate Universe - College/University, Alternate Universe - No Powers, Background Relationships, Enemies to Friends to Lovers, M/M, Panic Attacks, Pining
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-06-02
Updated: 2017-06-02
Packaged: 2018-11-04 01:39:08
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,428
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/10979691
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Estelle/pseuds/Estelle
Summary: Bucky is a new student at the university, coming back to studying after the army, and still adjusting. Tony is finishing his fourth PhD there, and when they meet, let's just say it doesn't go over too well.It takes them a while to find out they have a lot in common.





	Heart and Mind

**Author's Note:**

  * For [JenJo](https://archiveofourown.org/users/JenJo/gifts).



> Dear JenJo, I hope you like this, and it's what you wanted!
> 
> Full prompt was:  
>  _Research Students AU- Tony is studying for his fourth (or is it fifth?) PhD, also helping to teach undergrads. Bucky is a new student to the University, transferring to complete his own PhD. They start off on the wrong foot- Tony has the only copy of the book that Bucky needs, Bucky sits in Tony's "spot" at the cafe, etc. Then they actually speak to each other, realising that they have more in common than they first thought._
> 
> Warning: There is a brief description of a panic attack in here, nothing graphic, but it's there.

Bucky still isn't sure if transferring to a different university has been the best decision. But coming back from the army one arm short and a whole lot of post traumatic stress richer, he just couldn't go back to the place where everything was too familiar. Maybe a fresh start was good. At least that's what he kept telling himself. And Steve. And Clint. And anyone else who did or didn't ask.  
So far, it hasn't been going that badly. He has gotten a position to finish his PhD in bio-medical engineering – and who could be better at developing prostheses than a guy who has one?  
But so far, the only people he really had any contact with are his professor and the barista at the coffee shop round the corner of the apartment he shares with Steve and Clint. He knows that he should try to go out, meet other students, or at least go buy groceries, but he hasn't been able to bring himself to do that just yet.  
Having said that, he really, really needs this book from the library to finish his paper. Of course he has tried to order it online, but apparently it is too rare to be shipped and has to be picked up in person.  
At least, the library is place of study and silence, so it is unlikely that someone will talk to him. Taking a deep breath, he opens the door and heads straight to the row he has looked up before.  
Unfortunately, the row isn't empty. A shorter guy is trying – and failing – to reach a book on the highest shelf.  
Bucky closes his eyes briefly. He can do this. He can help someone. And not just because this someone has the nicest butt Bucky has seen in a long time.  
So he reaches for the book and gives it to the guy, who looks startled for a second and then smiles a brilliant smile. And wow, he doesn't only have a nice butt. Bucky finds himself starting to smile back, but then he sees the book he just handed over. “Oh fuck!”  
The guy blinks. “Excuse me?”  
“I really need this book”, Bucky tries to explain. Maybe the guy doesn't need it that badly? Maybe he has even been reaching for a different book?  
But of course that would have been too easy, because the guy shakes his head. “Me too. And I was here first.”  
“But...”  
“It's the only copy, yeah I know”, he interrupts Bucky's attempt to explain how much he needs this book. “It also isn't available online. You think I would have come to the library if it was? So yeah, sorry, even though you're gorgeous and did help me there, this is mine for the next two weeks.”  
With that, he walks away and Bucky is left standing there, trying to process what just happened. He definitely doesn't stare at the guy's butt, of course.

The next day, thanks to a lot of encouragement from Steve, Bucky has explained the situation to his professor, who actually has the book in his private collection, and is willing to lend it to him.  
So now, after having found Clint making some kind of parkour out of their entire living room and kitchen area _again_ , he has decided to write his paper at the coffee shop.  
It's not what he usually does, but he's been trying to convince himself that it will be fine. The coffee shop is small, and kind of quiet. Not a lot of students come here, and Sam, the barista, is really nice, and knows him by now.  
Just when he has settled in a seat in the corner, where he can overlook the whole shop and no one can sit behind him, he hears “That's my seat”, and looking up, _of course_ it is library-guy.  
Unimpressed, he raises his eyebrows. “Didn't see your name on it, doll.” The guy was an asshole to him yesterday, he can be one now, he reasons, and tries to go back to his reading, but of course that isn't the end of it.  
“Everyone knows I sit here. It's the only place where no one can sit behind you...”  
This time it's Bucky who interrupts: “And where you can see the whole shop, yeah, that's why I chose it”.  
In any other situation, he would point out that they seem to have quite a bit in common, but he is still pissed about the book, so he's not willing to relent.  
The guy scrunches his eyebrows together and purses his lips, and god, he is beautiful, and exactly Bucky's type, but that doesn't mean he's gonna get his will.  
“Look, I'll give you the book”, he offers, sounding a little desperate, and Bucky actually grins and holds up his own book.  
“No need. So, if you'll leave me in peace now, I really have to read it.” With that, he goes back to the book, feeling quite a bit of satisfaction when he hears the guy leaving.

He thought that would be it, but if course it isn't that easy.  
A week later, he is sitting in his kitchen, telling Steve about the gorgeous guy who keeps showing up in the places he goes to and always manages to piss him off.  
“He's just so _infuriating_!”, he concludes and Steve nods patiently.  
“Do you want to kiss him or kill him?”, Clint throws in from where he is sitting on the fridge. They have stopped asking about this a long time ago. While Steve is an arts major, Clint is both a world class gymnast and an archery master, and always uses their flat as a training ground of some sort.  
“I... ugh, I don't know. Both?”, Bucky says. Because that's the thing: While library-guy – Bucky still doesn't know his name – is aggravating and a bit of an asshole, he is also unfairly handsome and still has the nicest ass ever.  
“Maybe you should try talking to him? Normally?”, Steve offers, and Bucky shakes his head. He doesn't think he'll be able to do that. So far, none of their conversations has ended well and he doubts that will change anytime soon.  
“I'll just have to live with this”, he concludes, and Steve and Clint both sigh and look at him like they think he's an idiot.

That evening, they're at one of these college parties Bucky has never had much interest in. But Steve and Clint had teamed up on him saying that “you need to go out more” and how “it will be fun” and “come on, only for an hour or so”, so here he is, clearly not having fun and unsure what to do with himself. Clint has gone to get a drink, and Steve has just met Peggy, and Bucky knows that he has been waiting for a chance to talk to her, and he really can't ruin that for him, so he goes wandering off down the hallway, which is mostly deserted, and Bucky finds himself relaxing a bit. But then suddenly there's a loud bang and he knows it's probably just a balloon or something but it sounds like a gunshot and he can't – he can't breathe and there's so much blood and death and...  
“Hey, hey, it's okay”, he hears a gentle voice like from far away and he doesn't know how he ended up on the floor, but someone is crouching next to him, rubbing soothing circles onto his back, and talking to him.  
“Come on, breathe, okay, tell me five things you can see”, the person says and Bucky tries to concentrate.  
“Floor”, is the first thing he manages and there is slight humour in the other voice when it replies: “Good, good. What else?”  
He comes up with “Wall, shoes, hand, lights”, and feels his breathing start to even out, slowly becoming aware of his surroundings again.  
The other person continues to rub circles onto his back, which strangely makes Bucky feel safe, and says: “Very good. So, four things you can hear?”  
“You.” And wow, that's maybe a bit embarrassing, but considering he's having a panic attack at a college party he can't really be concerned with that. “Uhm, music, chatter, beer bottles”, he continues, and finally he can focus again and looks up.  
“Oh.” It's library-guy, because of course it is. His hand is still on Bucky's back, the other one on his arm – his left arm, he notices, but the guy shows no sign of discomfort or even acknowledgment that he's touching a prosthesis – and when Bucky looks up, he smiles, though concern is visible in his beautiful eyes.  
“Hey, there you are”, he says lowly, and this time, Bucky does smile back.  
“Thank you. Uhm, how did you...” He doesn't know how to phrase his question, but the guy seems to understand.  
“It's something my therapist told me. I know a thing or two about panic attacks”, he admits, his smile turning bitter. “Do you maybe wanna get out of here?”  
“Oh god, yes.” Relief at the thought of being able to leave this party floods through him, and the library-guy's smile becomes happier again at hearing his response,  
“Great. I know this amazing burger place not far from here. Let me just text Rhodey that I'm leaving and then we can go.”

About ten minutes later they're sitting in a booth at a small restaurant that is mostly deserted, having milk shakes that library-guy insisted on.  
“Hey, what's your name?”, Bucky asks because now that he's saved him from a panic attack and has shown that he's not that much of an asshole, he can't really keep calling him library-guy, can he.  
“Oh!” He seems a bit surprised at the question. “I'm Tony. You?”  
“James, but my friends call my Bucky.”  
“So we're friends?” He tries to look serious, but Bucky can see that Tony is fighting down a grin, and he has trouble keeping a straight face himself when he replies: “Well, I think we could be, if we stopped being assholes to each other for about two seconds.”  
Tony surprises him by laughing at that loudly and Bucky thinks that he really, really likes his laugh, maybe even more than his brilliant smile.  
“But it's so much fun!”, Tony manages through very endearing giggles.  
Bucky raises his eyebrows at that, still grinning. “I'm sure we can find other ways to have fun, doll.”  
Tony blushes brightly at that, and okay, maybe he likes that best. It's hard to decide with Tony being so brilliant and gorgeous.

They become fast friends after that, finding that they have a lot in common. It's just easy to talk to Tony, about anything really, his day, his engineering classes, Clint's stunts in their living room and Steve's art, even his experiences in the army. Tony is always there to listen, and reply with some stories of his own. Bucky learns that he's studying for his fourth degree because he got bored of managing his company – and learning that his new friend is both a genius and a billionaire was a bit jarring – that he lives in a dorm room with his best friend Rhodey because he wanted the “real college experience” as he calls it, this time around, and that he was kidnapped and held hostage in a cave, which is where his own trauma stems from.  
The thing is though, the more Bucky learns about him, the more difficult it gets to ignore his feelings. Because now that he knows that Tony is not only extremely good looking, but also an amazing person, he really can't help but fall for him.  
He just doesn't know what to do about that, or if he should even do anything about it at all. Sure, sometimes they flirt, but it's mostly completely harmless, and besides, Bucky has learned that Tony flirts with just about anyone, so that doesn't really get is hopes up.

One day, they're sitting in Bucky's kitchen, sharing ice cream straight from the tub, when Clint walks in. Bucky doesn't know how he managed to not meet Tony yet, with how much he is at the apartment, so he opens his mouth to introduce them, but Tony beats him to it. “Clint Barton?”  
Clint turns around and grins widely. “Tony! Small world, huh?”  
Tony nods, smiling himself, and Bucky feels very confused.  
“You two know each other?”  
“Oh, yeah! Remember Natasha? My friend-slash-assistant-slash-bodyguard? That's Clint's girlfriend”, Tony explains.  
Bucky nods slowly. He has met Natasha once, and while she has been nice to him, she also seemed quite scary, and he really can't picture Clint as her boyfriend. “Didn't know it was the same Clint”, he concludes and his roommate grins. “Yeah, well, you didn't tell my your boyfriend was Tony fucking Stark, so that's fair.”  
Bucky blinks. “He's not my boyfriend.” Just because he really really wishes he were, doesn't make mean it's true. He chances a glance at Tony, who looks like a deer caught in headlines, then at Clint, who just looks confused.  
“He isn't? But the way you talk about him.... And Tasha said.... Oh well, I'll leave you to sort it out.” With that he leaves the kitchen, whistling to himself, and Bucky doesn't know what to say or do.  
“Tony?”, he asks carefully and the other man finally blinks.  
“Oh, right, yeah, sorry about that. I'll be more careful, uhm, stop touching you and all that, so that people don't confuse us for boyfriends anymore”, he babbles, and as endearing as he normally finds that, Bucky now has trouble wrapping his mind around what he just heard.  
“Wait, do you mean you actually want to be my boyfriend?”, he finally asks, because that can't be right. He can't be that lucky.  
Tony looks down. “I thought that was obvious. But I know you don't want that, and that's okay. I mean, why would you want that? You're amazing and wonderful and....”  
As much as Bucky still can't quite grasp that this is real, he knows he can't have Tony thinking that he doesn't want him. So he takes a chance, hoping that he hasn't gotten this complete wrong.  
Turns out that shutting Tony up by kissing him is very effective. He now gapes at him and Bucky smiles. “I do want that. A lot.”  
Tony blinks. “Really?”  
“Absolutely, definitely yes!”, Bucky confirms and Tony shows his brilliant smile and pulls him down for another kiss. And maybe, that is Bucky's favourite thing.


End file.
